The Twelve Days of Christmas
by AkumaStrife
Summary: Jack Skellington tries his hand at christmas one last time, and the organization are his guinea pigs. Demyx fights for bird rights, Axel is a slut, Zexion is fed up, and Roxas is pissed off. DRABBLE SERIES
1. A Partridge in a Pear Tree

**Yay! I love the Christmas Season! And so i give you this little drabble series to brighten every day until the 25th! I know the "Twelve days of christmas" actually run from about the 25th to Jan. 5th, but i thought this would be a nice present in advance. Final Exams are killing me, but i'm going to try extremely hard to post a chapter a day! And a little extra one shot for Christmas Eve ^_^**

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**Day 1**

A pair of electric orange eyes stared back into the black, beady ones. The Superior of the infamous Organization Thirteen was having a staring contest…with a bird. It was good that he was alone, or those obnoxious subordinates would never let the man live this down.

But it was well warranted; after all, not everyone walks into their room to find a strange little tree baring fruit and a strange bird.

Xemnas edged closer and removed the small plain card from one of the branches, the brown avian following his every move closely.

_Dearest Boss,_

_Wishing you a very Merry X-mas_

_Courtesy of,_

_Marluxia and Vexen_

The silver haired man flipped the paper over, looking for any other text as he absentmindedly reached for one of the golden pears hanging in the chest-high tree.

Taking a large bite he stiffened, spitting it back out and dropping the fruit in surprise. The chewed fruit started melting a hole in the floor, and the remaining fruit in the tree bursting into sporadic flames.

Xemnas took a reflexive step back as the tiny bird suddenly let out a squawk that resembled a large eagle. It stretched its wings, the appendages nearly trippling in size as the feathers turned sharp and ragged, the beak hooking into a dangerous claw. Letting out another scream, the huge bird beat its powerful wings and floated upwards, tilting into a dive bomb at Xemnas. The tree decided at this moment to pull its roots out of the white pot and advance with the pears turned flaming missiles.

He dodged the bird just in time and called his lightsabers to his person, mouth set in a grim line.


	2. Two Turtle Doves

**So, apparently, for this whole 'one-a-day' thing to work, I was supposed to post the first chapter yesterday...So I'll just post this now and bring us back up to speed. Tomorrow will be the actual 3rd day of christmas and we can proceed like normal ^_^**

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**Day 2**

Xigbar sent a self-satisfied smirk at the two dead lumps at his feet.

"Xigbar! How could you?!" Demyx wailed as he poked the deceased birds, "Doves are symbols of love and you just _killed_ them!!"

"Hey little dude, I do what I must. Freakin' birds were gonna take my head off."

"Don't worry DemDem" Axel cooed as he came up behind the musician, wrapping his arms around him, "We don't need those stupid birds…we can make our own love…"

"Ew, get off me you creeper" Demyx whined, trying to push the pyromaniac away, Xigbar simply roaring with laughter as he ambled off down some random corridor.


	3. Three French Hens

**Day 3**

"Something smells yummy!" Demyx grinned broadly as he bounced into the kitchen, dragging poor Zexion behind him.

"I should hope so" Xaldin commented, pulling a large pan out of the oven.

The blue haired bookworm sniffed delicately, "What is it you have there Xaldin? Chicken?"

"Sort of" he grunted and set the pan down on the hot pads in front of the other two, "These three hens came waddling into my room this morning and proceeded to tear apart my couch and shit on _everything."_

Demyx gaped at the larger man, "So you just _killed_ them?!"

"Damn right."

"What is wrong with you people?!?" he shouted, gesturing wildly at the roasted to a perfect gold crisp birds, "Have you no morals or feelings at all?!"

"Frankly, no" Xaldin deadpanned and, finding the carving knife too far away (on the other side of the kitchen), decided to simply summon one of his lances and violently started stabbing the juicy birds.

Demyx squeaked and ran out of the room, completely forgetting about his quiet companion.

"…I'll get the plates" Zexion finally mumbled.


	4. Four Calling Birds

**Day 4**

"Vexen…?" the blue haired nobody called as he entered the semi-dark lab, "I'm here to go over those results we collected yesterday."

There came only a choked sound as an answer and Zexion furrowed his brow in confusion. Walking through a couple of the testing rooms he came upon The Chilly Academic's personal office and a strange sight.

Vexen sat with his arms hooked around his knees, shaking slightly on the floor, a crazed look in his bloodshot eyes. Which was not all together surprising really, seeing as how number four frequently suffered bouts of insanity. No, what was strange was the cacophony of other, unfamiliar sounds.

Zexion peered into the darkness that was the corners of the room, but saw nothing.

"What's going on?" he asked over the noise.

"The birds" the older man sobbed, "They won't shut up!! They've been at it since four o'clock this morning!" and haphazardly threw out his hand, sending multiple oversized ice shards hurtling into all corners of the room. The birds went silent for a moment, maybe two before starting up again, cackling as if mocking the poor mental nobody.

"Birds?" Zexion asked again, not quiet sure how the creatures had found their way into the room to begin with.

"Yes!" Vexen shouted, "Big, black birds!!" and folded into himself, succumbing to body-shaking sobs once more.

Zexion sighed, "I'll go get Xigbar"


	5. Five Golden Rings

**Day 5**

The Silent Hero opened the mystery box without reading the warning_**instructions**_ printed on the side, and shook out five golden circles into the palm of his large hand.

"What'cha got there big guy?" Axel asked as he strolled over to the giant.

Lexaeus grunted noncommittally and tossed the redhead the box, before shoving one of the rings on his pinky.

The ring glittered for a moment, then shrank rapidly until the appendage _fell off._

The larger man's eyes widened considerably as he stared at the space that used to be his pinky finger. He opened and closed his mouth several times, resembling a dying fish.

"AHhHhhhHhHhh!!!!" he yelled, finally breaking his vow off silence, "MY FUCKING FINGER!!! THAT DAMN RING CHOPPED OFF MY FINGER!!!!" and ran screaming and swearing down the hallway.

Axel burst out laughing, "Best moment EVER!" and looked down to read the words on the side of the box again.

_A prank for your enemies or friends!_

_This specialized ring casts illusion magic on the wearer, making it look like he/she has lost their finger. The magic will wear off around 2-3 hours._

_Great as a gift or for just a laugh, use it on anyone!_

_Warning__:_

_Prolonged or frequent use of this merchandise could cause, but is not limited to: internal bleeding, blindness, implosion, gender changes, temporary amnesia, numbness of the body, kidney failure, an affinity for pudding, life threatening cases of hiccups, temporary amnesia, brittle bones, oral fixations, violent sneezing, and suicidal thoughts. _


	6. Six Geese A Laying

**Day 6**

"…You have got to be kidding me…" Zexion muttered in contempt. He had just walked into the library, dead set on finding some quiet time to finally read when he stumbled upon this…this…mess!

In his favorite area were six loudly squawking geese. There were feathers everywhere, and many of the books had been pulled off the shelf and destroyed for the sole purpose of using the soft pages for nest. Not to mention dirty eggs were also strewn about amid the ragged feathers. It was like a disgusting petting zoo in here! In his library!! His sanctuary!!

For the first time in years Zexion raised his voice, "I AM GOING TO MURDER EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU!!" and summoned his lexicon with a vengeance, usually apathetic eyes burning with fabricated rage.


	7. Seven Swans A Swimming

**Day 7**

Saix was in a foul mood. He was trying to get _something_ done, but these filthy birds were making life very difficult!

"Aw, how cute." Demyx crooned in reference to the seven swans waddling in a line behind the stomping Luna Diviner, "They must be following you because they think you're their mama".

Saix snarled and glared at the musician with suddenly glowing eyes. The boy 'eeped' and dove behind an unsuspecting Zexion.

"Save me! It's a full moon and Saix is PMS-ing!!"

Zexion rolled his visible eye and took the blonde by the shoulders, steering him away from the livid number seven, "Come on, leave him be".

"But the pretty birds…!" Demyx tried, but the other simply shook his head and removed the both of them from the life-threatening situation.

With Demyx gone, Saix lost his prime target to vent all his pent up anger. And so he spun on his heel and glowered down on the seven regal-looking swans. As if sensing their impending doom, they started to awkwardly back away. Saix smiled and slowly strode over to them with terrifying purpose.


	8. Eight Maids A Milking

**Day 8**

"Aww yeeaaaah" Axel drawled from his spot on the couch, surrounded by eight women in maid outfits, "I don't know where you fine ladies came from, but I have a good idea of where you'll be going". The girls giggled.

Roxas rolled his eyes and went back to his magazine.

"We're milk maids" one spoke up, grinning coyly.

"Really now?" Axel's eyebrows shot up, "Well, we don't have any cows, but you can milk me" and winked. The girls blushed darkly, but giggled again none-the-less.

"Oh my god, really?" Roxas asked in disbelief, throwing his magazine down, "You are the corniest man-whore I've ever met. I swear to kingdom hearts you have absolutely no shame".

"Hey, I never said I wouldn't share" the redhead called to the swiftly retreating blonde. The smaller boy merely flipped him off and continued on his way.

"Whatever." Axel shrugged, "Well, looks like I get you lovely ladies all to myself. Shall we take this upstairs?"


	9. Nine Ladies Dancing

**Day 9**

"What…?" Demyx asked in perplexion, "Who are you girls? How did you even get in here?"

The scantily clad women, who strangely resembled the main girls in his favorite video game series: Last Fantasy, merely smiled suggestively at him and continued dancing around the courtyard.

So Demyx just smiled back and sat down to start playing his sitar. The women seemed to like this and danced faster, matching the beat of his song.

Many of them twirled closer to him, sometimes stooping to run their fingers gently down his cheek or through his hair. Their touches soon became more frequent and bolder, until a voice called out.

"Hey, water boy!"

Demyx stopped his playing and turned to face the newcomer, which turned out to be Axel.

"Trust me, you want to leave those girls alone".

"Why?" number nine asked, noting how the girls started hissing when Axel got closer.

"Well, turns out they're sex bots. It says so on the tattoo they have across their lower back. But the thing is, they tried to kill me when I was—"

"Enough information!" Demyx shouted, covering his ears childishly, "I get it: leave them alone."

But the girls seemed to have other plans. They sauntered closer to him, lounging around his kneeling form, trying to coerce him into interacting with them.

"Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad…." He chanted to himself like a manta as he fled the room.


	10. Ten Lords A Leaping

**Day 10**

"…What the fuck?" was the only thing that managed to come out of Luxord's mouth. He'd wanted to say so much more, really, but the present situation robbed him of all words.

One…two…four…six…ten guys in tights were prancing and leaping about the large meeting room. They didn't even notice his presence, merely kept at their frolicking.

The british man watched them in appalled fascination. Slowly he looked around him and, making sure no one was about, trailed after one of the guys for a step or two, then launched himself into a graceful and mighty leap.

Landing with a triumphant smirk, he stood for a moment more before scowling darkly.

"Fucking carpet biters" he mumbled as he swished his hand, freezing time and the odd men, and made his way to each one, rummaging through their clothes for any valuables.


	11. Eleven Pipers Piping

**Day 11 (today, tomorrow, and then it's christmas!!! ^_^)**

"So let me get this straight…" Marluxia started with a cocked eyebrow, standing opposite a group of men in his garden, "You eleven guys march around all day together in skirts and suck on wooden poles?"

"No, no, that's not what we said at all" one man said.

"Yeah, and they're kilts!!" another corrected venomously.

"We play the bagpipes…"

"So…" the pink haired nobody smirked as he crossed his arms, cutting their explanation off, "All you _guys_ walk around in _skirts_, _blowing_ down wooden shafts…'making music'. Oh don't worry" he threw his head back laughing, "I completely understand now, you've all made it very clear".

Many of the men growled in frustration as another tried to explain, "No, no, no!! That's still not it and you know it!!!"

"Oh I know it alright. I know you guys are flaming gay".

"Says the guy with pink hair…" one mumbled. Marluxia instantly stopped his laughing and glared darkly at the group, suddenly very serious.

"That was a low blow" he muttered, vines growing and twisting around his slightly glowing form.

"We're sorry…! He didn't mean it….honest!!"

"It's too late" he chuckled sadistically, "Do any of you have a clue as to what I can _do to you_ with these vines?"

Eleven pairs of eyes widened in complete horror and eleven throats swallowed thickly.

"No? Well, then we'll just have to find out then, won't we?"


	12. Twelve Drummers Drumming

**Day 12 (tomorrow is christmas!!!! XD)**

Axel and Demyx walked into the rec room with puzzled expressions.

"What's with all the noise on floor 62?" Axel asked as he took a seat next to a glaring Roxas. Zexion frowned and went to answer when…

"AHH! OH GOD! DRUM ME HARDER YOU NAUGHTY DRUMMER BOY!!"

"That" the blue haired nobody twitched as he tried very hard to block out all the traumatizing screams with a very thick book. The numbers eight and nine looked shocked beyond all belief.

"Is that…Larxene?!?" Demyx asked incredulously.

"Yes" Roxas growled.

"…Drummer boy? Really?" Axel laughed loudly, seeming to take this all very well considering.

"I don't even know, don't ask" Roxas muttered as he stuffed his head into an oversized pillow.


	13. Christmas Day

**MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! XD**

**I just wanted to thank all of you for all your lovely reviews (like AitheHeartlessGirl and ChaoticCreativity) =) 1,700 hits and still climbing =)**

**And Special Thankx to:**

**Tanuokami: you reviewed almost everyday!**

**Zenigami: i looked forward to your funny comments =) especially your joke about Xemnas being a cow XD**

**Nekotsubasa: your comments are great! And you got my vine rape innuendo!!! **

**EikoChitose + FeralFairy: your comments made me laugh also**

**And as my thankx, if any of the above mentioned people would like a drabble/one shot then i would be more than happy to write what ever you want. It'll be my present to you =)**

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"So about all these odd happenings…" Marluxia started.

The entire organization was seated in their large dinning room, the table adorned with far too many dishes of cooked fowl that was their Christmas feast.

"Yeah, it's all kinda weird" Roxas agreed around his bite of french hen.

"I believe someone is trying to sabotage us" Vexen reasoned, stabbing rather venomously at a chunk of black bird.

"Thank you Captain Obvious" Axel replied sarcastically, picking at the swan on his plate.

"I wonder—" but the entrance doors being flung open loudly cut off Zexion's inquiry.

Saix stomped in and tossed a burlap sack to the ground before them. Tiny voices could be heard from within.

"Saix, we all know you're a little bit off, but kidnapping children is going a little too far…" Marluxia commented, eyeing the thrashing bag.

"Thank you _ever_ so much" Saix drawled, "But these are not merely _just _children. These are the little demons that sent us our _wonderful_ presents these past few days" and kicked the bag hard enough so that Locke, Shock, and Barrel tumbled out.

"You!" Roxas cried in outrage, pointing violently at the trio.

"Don't blame us!!" they squealed in unison, "We were only doing as Jack said!!"

"Jack, as in the pumpkin king?" Axel asked, and Xigbar nodded in affirmation.

Before anyone else could say anything Doctor Finklestein wheeled through the open doors, "Now, now, everyone just calm down!"

"What is going on? Why are all these strange people just barging in here?!" Larxene grumbled.

"Jack decided to try the whole Christmas thing once more, there is no need to worry" the bald scientist explained.

"So he gave us all weird presents?" Demyx asked.

"Yes"

"So…" Xemnas started "the mutant tree and demon bird were not, in fact, from numbers four and eleven?"

"No, they were creations I made with data Vexen shared with me a while back".

"Of course creeper Vexen is friends with the dead scientist" Roxas muttered under his breath, as if it made so much sense, which it actually did.

"Which totally proves my innocence!!" Axel yelled at Lexaeus. The giant merely glared at him.

"I swear; I did not give you those rings! I was honestly just walking by when you were opening them! I had nothing to do with it!"

"Exactly" Dr. Finklestein agreed, "The gifts were all from Jack. So here I am, delivering one last gift, on Jack's orders of course. He said he hoped it would make up for any trouble we may or may not have caused you".

"Oh, you sure caused trouble alright" Zexion mumbled.

"So, who has yet to receive a gift?" Dr. Finklestein asked, looking at each nobody in turn. Roxas kept his mouth tightly sealed, not wanting one of the 'gifts' and everyone else did the same.

"Pity, I was deeply curious to see if my latest invention would have worked. Oh well, I won't trouble you anymore" the wheel chair ridden doctor shrugged and went to make his way out. Half way to the door he pulled out a shining pink heart. All the nobodies' eyes widened in shock.

And before anyone could say a word, before Roxas could fix his mistake, the doctor had idly crumbled it up and let the pieces fall to the floor. The appalled members watched with forlorn expressions as the pink shards disintegrated into black smoke and was gone.

Roxas slammed his fists on the table, and screamed "THIS IS THE WORST CHRISTMAS EVER!!" and stomped out of the dinning hall.


End file.
